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Friday, 26 February 2010

BBC6 - Common Sense Nil

From a Times article leaps deplorable rumours
BBC cuts - or just Auntie's bloomers?
Pre-empting a Tory term, keen to please those
Who push those in power for the Beeb to close

6 Music and Asian Network condemned?
Websites to close?  Limit the spend?
Instead do the opposite - increase the coverage
Keep spreading the vision of Peel and not Muggeridge

"But I pay for Sky too" a dim nation bleats
Who wilfully subscribe to a glut of repeats
"I can't afford both and I can't pick and choose"
"And I'm missing 'Pig Wanking with Rebecca Loos'"

A great institution, the pride of the nation
All please stay tuned to this red hot station
And in your broadcasting radio and television
Let choice, not quick fashion, rule your decision

Wednesday, 24 February 2010

It's PC Gonemad!

All ye sassenachs, boy this'll hurt
Some tartan pranksters have knocked up a shirt
That pokes harmless fun at the Scots' ancient foe
Puerile, pointless yet racism?  No.
But Grampian Police, with a lot of spare time,
Then told the young scamps, "this may be a crime"
These humourless killjoys made no arrest
Can the public expect anything less?

A whiffy response to this.

Tuesday, 23 February 2010

How Could You Fucking Do This To Me?

I work, I provide, I pay dues to the taxman
Yet the BBC, specifically Paxman
Turned my living room blue for more than a second
With results further reaching than he ever reckoned
And his short, sharp apology showed miniscule thought
While the nation's heads turned from a foul Prescott shot
But before we denounce him like we did Jonny Ross
Just remember it's funny - so who gives a toss?

Monday, 22 February 2010

Widdecombe Resigns From Anti-Bullying Charity As Revelations Come To Light

Ann Widdecombe

Bully Beef
Cripes that Ann Widdecombe's got a bloody cheek
She made her name as Bully Beef in "The Dandy" every week!

Where has Matt Dillon been.....again?

With surprise we saw Matt at the BAFTA Awards
Revealing Best Supporting Actress
Where has he been - was he treading the boards?
Or fast asleep on a mattress?

Wednesday, 10 February 2010

What If? Vol.2.2 : Blinded

Each window, equidistant from the others, is covered by a pre-chosen height of blind.  This late in the day it is not rare to see the blinds raised fully as employees gaze at the road home.  However, most remain covered, protecting desk vampires from the low, mid-afternoon sun.

Theresa squinted and hissed under her breath.  She loved and hated mid-winter.  While the nights were longer and alcohol-sodden revellers made easy targets, she hated how the bright, low sunlight crept around her eye level without warning.

What If? Vol.2.1 : Plant Pots

Two rubber plants lend a loose feeling of life to the office.  One stands proud in a vibrant, leafy robes, while the other stoops, diseased, perhaps plotting against its rich brother.

The palatial plant along the corridor had long made the caterpillar jealous.  Having eaten his way through his ragged current abode, he plotted daily a route to the sweet leafs just beyond his reach.